(originally written on May 9, 2011)
I’ve tried online dating multiple times since my divorce three years ago, I guess in that masochistic quest for the elusive “Mr. Right”. Amidst the myriad of obtuse and unappealing profiles, one recurring theme I noticed was a request from men for women to come without “baggage”. It appeared that they were looking for either cookies a lot tougher than I will ever be, capable of going through life perfectly unscathed, or for 20-somethings who would be relatively baggage-free by virtue of the fact that they’ve barely begun to live in the first place. I realized that I could never fulfill this unrealistic requirement, nor would I want to. At what I like to call my "halfway point" in life: I have loved, I have (inadvertently) hurt, I have been hurt, I’ve experienced failure, success... So if this means I have baggage, then by all means I do. The more I thought about it, the more I started to formulate my own theory on the whole concept of “baggage”.
I believe that when we’re born we’re all handed a certain number of figurative “suitcases” to take with us as we embark on the journey of life. As in any other journey, it is in these suitcases that we are to carry everything that we deem important to bring with us. There is one rule, though: we don’t get any more suitcases during the journey. The ones we’re given at birth are the only ones we get to keep until death. Therefore, it is up to us to “clean house” throughout the journey, evaluating what we get to keep and what we get to throw out, making room for new belongings to pack as we experience new things throughout our lives. So what happens when we run out of space? The wisdom we gain through age and experience is what allows us to gauge what is truly important to hang on to and what was too trivial to have kept in the first place and should be done away with. In this act of cleansing comes the realization that some things are too hurtful and damaging to keep, or too unimportant in the grand scheme of things, or too pointless to cling to. We have to learn to let go and empty those things from our suitcases. They weigh us down and make it harder for us to go on our journey. At worse they can cripple us by preventing us from moving forward - how can we let our past be a handicap into our future? We should keep only the truly treasured possessions which are near and dear to our hearts - lessons learned, their value immeasurable though hurtful they may have been, and all the beloved memories forever cherished. We gather a plenitude of thoughts, opinions and viewpoints along the way as we realize that we are coming closer than we ever thought possible to that once elusive point of “finding ourselves”. We have come to know who we really are, and we are happy with it. Slowly but surely we realize that those suitcases we’ve been carrying are becoming treasure troves filled with nothing but golden lessons, invaluable experiences and a lifetime of priceless memories.
I believe that when we’re born we’re all handed a certain number of figurative “suitcases” to take with us as we embark on the journey of life. As in any other journey, it is in these suitcases that we are to carry everything that we deem important to bring with us. There is one rule, though: we don’t get any more suitcases during the journey. The ones we’re given at birth are the only ones we get to keep until death. Therefore, it is up to us to “clean house” throughout the journey, evaluating what we get to keep and what we get to throw out, making room for new belongings to pack as we experience new things throughout our lives. So what happens when we run out of space? The wisdom we gain through age and experience is what allows us to gauge what is truly important to hang on to and what was too trivial to have kept in the first place and should be done away with. In this act of cleansing comes the realization that some things are too hurtful and damaging to keep, or too unimportant in the grand scheme of things, or too pointless to cling to. We have to learn to let go and empty those things from our suitcases. They weigh us down and make it harder for us to go on our journey. At worse they can cripple us by preventing us from moving forward - how can we let our past be a handicap into our future? We should keep only the truly treasured possessions which are near and dear to our hearts - lessons learned, their value immeasurable though hurtful they may have been, and all the beloved memories forever cherished. We gather a plenitude of thoughts, opinions and viewpoints along the way as we realize that we are coming closer than we ever thought possible to that once elusive point of “finding ourselves”. We have come to know who we really are, and we are happy with it. Slowly but surely we realize that those suitcases we’ve been carrying are becoming treasure troves filled with nothing but golden lessons, invaluable experiences and a lifetime of priceless memories.
Baggage, you say??
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet" - William Shakespeare
by any other name would smell as sweet" - William Shakespeare
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